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kickher's journal
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You're talking to me again? And telling me that you miss me? I don't understand. You chose her over me. You left me high and dry, and left me, for HER. Why. Why are you talking to me now. You're with her. I don't understand. I don't understand. I never, understand. Thanks for ever calling me back. Why are you so illusive? I wish you were here more..
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What the hell is wrong with me. I could be doing a million other thins right now, but I'm waiting for you to decide when you want to see me. If I don't see you tonight, I'm not going to be surprised. This is bullshit. I hate you for this. I do. What the fuck. I HATE YOU FOR THIS. Why are you so illusive. JUST BE THERE, OK? IT'S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD. JUST. BE. THERE. JUST. BE. HERE. Please.
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Things seem as if they are getting better. Which are a huge relief. I am so happy that this.. Feud is over. It dreained me of all my energy. "Don't let them see you break" No. If I break, I break. They can see what they wish, and they can ignore what they want. Things are getting better. What happened happened, and I'm glad we are mature enough to get over it. I'm tired of listening to people bicker about others behind their backs, and I hope that you are too? I know I'm not talking shit, and I hope you aren't either. I don't even know you, but I feel as if I've known you for my entire life. We connected, so fast, without... Anything, really. It scares me, excited me, and confuses me. I'm intreged, and frightened. I don't know whether to stop, and run away, of jump head first into this whole, unknown universe. I feel as if you could be different, be genuine. Also, I FEAR that you're the same as the rest. You know what you need to say, and when to say it. How to say it, even more. Or maybe you're not. I just hope you're not lieing to me, and the things that I heard were not about you, but were about someone else, and that they just got you confused in something terrible. I do not feel like getting hurt, or being used. So, please don't. You need to stop. I love you a lot, but you need to stop. I don't know why you're continuing this, we are all over it. If you want to be so 'above it all' then stop. Just, stop. Never speak of her. No matter what happened, I'm over it. I know you think I shouldn't be, but I am. What's done is done. Nobody has a time machine, and nobdy can go back and fix things. I'm over it, I'm not talking shit, I'm not being immature.. Why are you. I'm the youngest of EVERYONE. And I'm the one whose saying this. I cannot believe it. (I know you've said it before m, but we've said it to differnet people), JUST STOP. A- I miss you. I hope we have dinner tomorrow. I miss you, so much. I saw a few pictures of you on Facebook today, of you in your new house, and I thought I was going to cry. I don't understand how I feel for you. I'm not quite sure I want to know what my feelings for you are.. Hopefully nothing more than a friendship. But.. We were so good together. Ugh, we're over. You're with her. You love her. I mean, you have kittens, and your own place. Which you share with one of her friends, but still. Fuck. You're happy. I'm not. You win. I loose. D- I love you so much more than you can ever imagine. Please don't let yourself get involved in anything you know you don't deserve. You don't need that. I hope that we can 'all' (with the exception of a few) can all be normal again. I miss it when we were just. Cool. Relaxed, Calm. Collected, even. I miss you. I love you.
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I can't believe you. I thought we were closer than this. I thought you knew me better than this. I thought I knew you better than this.. What the fuck. I never once, ditched you on your birthday I was with you from the morning, to the night. I hate this, so much. I hate how everyone believes you. Because it was your birthday. I'm sorry that I never wanted to go to the party. I'm sorry I just wanted to hang out with you and Ryan and drink, and have a good time. I went to that party because you really wanted to go. So we went. And once we were there, shit immedietly got out of control. Everything was fine until you had to go home. I offered to come home with you a billion times, but you said no, stay, take care of Val. So I did. I remember talking to your mom, we were all trying to convince her to let you stay with us. It's not like we ditched you, at all. If you had a problem with me staying, then you should have told me. Maybe the outcome would have been different? Fuck. I can't wait to leave..
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"Here, just kill me. Just take a sharp object and drag it across my throat" "When we crawl into bed with someone, is sex, ever safe?" I love, most of the people in my life. I have a cold. I hate having such a shitty immune system. I take Vitamin C, I take, a lot of vitamins. But they're not working. I think I've stressed myself into having a cold. Or.. Maybe I got the flu from Rh. He has it. And, well, I was close enough to him on Saturday. Aha, let's not talk about that. But I want to talk about it. I want to think about it. I want it to happen all over again. Over and over again. |
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You are so dumb. What you're doing to/with your life, makes me want to take your life into my own hands, and lead it for you. I'm pretty sure I could make some wiser decisions than you... Let's just, fall in love. |
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